2.01.2012

Real Talk

I'm about to get serious y'all

Here is my mess of a story about how I became who I am today


I am not one to talk about money or finances or even serious struggles, but for some reason I feel like I need to let the guard down for once and let my readers know that I am a person, I too have struggles and this is my story of how I became to be who I am today. I seriously don't know why I feel like I need to post this but I just do. I admire all the anonymous bloggers who put every little detail or their life, personal and financial out there. I wish I could blog more about personal stuff but since I am so open, I usually don't. So here is my one, and only one, post about my life. And to answer the lingering question I'm sure some of y'all have, "why is she 23 and still in college?" I actually have gotten that a few times!


I have a serious love for nice things. I grew up very spoiled. I was daddy's little girl, I said "daddy please" and he would usually say yes. By no means did I have an extravagant lifestyle, there was a time when my parents were in A LOT of debt, but once they were out my dad would always try to give us everything.

I guess this put me in the mindset that I would always be taken care of and I couldn't have been farther from the truth.

In July of 2007 my father passed away from cancer. I graduated high school in January of 2007 so I could be at home with him as much as possible, I got six months of straight attention and love from my daddy as he fought a serious battle and eventually let the Lord take him home. But without getting all emotional and sad in this post, that was the day that changed my life. Not just loosing my dad but also me and my family loosing our "fortune."

My father had set up a trust fund the day I was born, it matured on my 20th birthday. My dad also had a life insurance policy, it wasn't a lot, I mean who walks around saying "I need a million dollar policy because I will get cancer when I'm 40??" NO ONE. So it was much less than what he wanted to leave us. His "emergency" fund and my college funds were drained to pay medical bills. A diabetic and cancer patient under one roof... people I don't even know where to being to try to stress to you how expensive it was to live for me and my dad. So onto my point, dad tried to prepare us financially but it just wasn't enough. We lived in a very nice and quite large home, we lived lavishly, my mom and I liked to be pampered. My mom had no college degree and had never worked a job in the 22 years her and my dad were married so this presented another huge struggle. My dad was our sole income, he provided it all for us.
 And in one day, it was all gone.

I went to college two weeks after my dad passed. I thought I was ok, I said to myself, "hey dad prepared me for his death, I'm doing just fine." I was far from all right. I was a disaster and I didn't even know it. My outlet for my pain and anger? shopping. Not just clothes, because lemme tell ya, I was a freakin hippie my freshman year. I wore the same 10 cotton dresses and ratty rainbows every day. Your lucky if you caught me out with a bra on. serious. Now get that image out of your head. ok? good. So I bought things, knick nacks for my room, shower curtains because a new shower curtain always makes me feel better? I would buy anything. My biggest purchase was alcohol. Little 18 yr old me was "26" and known as Megan at every bar in my college town. I became nasty skinny, like ew wtf was I thinking? (which also resulted in me loosing my awesome natural boobs I once had and have never gotten back, sad.) Which surprises me also since I worked at a burger joint?

Just because I hate posts with no pictures, here ya go. I was a mess...
yes I rocked the snooki pouf, back then snooki wasn't famous so it was ok?!


So while doing all of this I was making about $20 a day at this burger joint that i worked at 3-4 days a week. This wasn't enough for me, I needed more, I needed more crap to fill the void in my life. What did I do?
I got my first credit card.
Fast forward a year, I got my second credit card.
Fast forward a semester, I got my third credit card.

By this time it was my 20th birthday, my trust fund was all mine! Problem was, I had so much credit card debt that I used a good chunk of my trust fund money to pay off those credit cards. I paid for one semester of school and decided to quit my job as a jewelry merchandiser and live off my trust fund money while I was still young.

Enter disaster of my 20's here.

I finally had money and a lot of it. Debt free and not a care in the world except for school. That semester was the best grades I ever got, I was loving school and loving life. At the time I was dating a guy who came from a very wealthy family. He had no limit when it came to spending or what he did. So what did I do? I tried to match that. He spent $200 at the bar, so would I. He bought $400 of clothing in one trip, so would I. I spent the rest of my trust fund money in one summer. Fall rolls around and I had a decision to make, go into debt to pay for the fall semester or quit school and start working full time. I think you get it by now, I was obsessed with money, so what did I do? I quit school. I got an amazing job working 8-4 mon-fri. I finally had money again. But no education.
This took one semester to slap me in the face and I realized I had to go back to school. I had received two raises during this semester and to a 21 year old I was making A LOT of money. But it was max, with no degree there was no way I could make anymore than what I was making and I would have to stay in that field forever. I decided I wanted to go to nursing school, I had wanted to do this ever since my dad was sick, his nurses made such a huge impact on my life. They cared so much for him and for my family that I knew I could never be happy in life without helping people the way they helped him. But since I had already committed to a college and didn't feel like taking on the stress of nursing school I stayed in my fashion major as a freshman, sophomore and junior.

That spring I started taking the prerequisites for nursing school and I was finally getting my life back on track. I was saving money from my job, working 8-4 and school from 5-10 every night. I finally had a goal in mind. I finally was getting things straight. That February I met Jeremy, one of the first things he asked me when we met was if I was a Christian? I said yes, I was, but I was far from God. I hadn't prayed in years or even opened my Bible in years. That night I opened my Bible, I prayed to God to help me. Help me get through this rough patch, I had been through a lot worse but I felt empty as always. God provided. Jeremy and I started dating a month after we met. I was loving school and the nursing side of things. I loved my job but it came time to make another decision. I couldn't keep up the working 70 hour weeks with school and my job. I decided to move home. Save more money and see where God took me from there.

While I was home I admitted to my mom about the debt and the trust fund money. She about murdered me. She should have. But I also admitted that I still had one credit card that I would pay bills on and it was maxed out. She offered to help me out as long as I continued in nursing school and found a way to pay for school because she couldn't.

Jump forward to today.
I still have a small amount of credit card debt, but were talking small. If I got a job it could be paid off in 2-3 months. I have a school loan. The loan was given to me through a very generous family member who knew I needed the help and offered the money to me with the lowest interest possible. I do not have a job, I currently live off of my school loan. I want a job though, desperately want a job. I won't ever tell people the numbers of all this information but I'll tell ya that currently I am living on about $15 a day. Sounds like a lot but I drive an SUV and I got bills to pay honey. UGH.

So why did I say all this? I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy! I really think for me it was a time of reflection. I am finally realizing who I am and what I want to do in life. I don't hurt over my dad's death anymore. I let God fill that void. I have stopped shopping like a mad woman and I am thinking about my future for once. I'm thinking about a house and kids and a wedding to pay for instead of those shoes I want for Friday night. It took me almost 22 years to realize that money doesn't buy happiness and almost 4 years to realize that money and greed will only fail you, miserably.

I hope I can help someone by writing this, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and the itch for me to write this was from God. Maybe someone who reads my blog is going through the same things and this is why God had me type this up. My journey to today was hard, full of pain and many nights crying my eyes out over money but things get better and they have gotten so much better. I have a purpose now, I have a partner who supports me and loves me for who I am today and what I have done for myself. I have God who will always forgive me of my sins and will always let me wake up every morning with a clean slate.

I couldn't be happier!

Now this doesn't mean I won't stop buying red lipstick and a maxi skirt... I just can't go shopping for 5 days and then the skirt and lipstick are all mine! Priorities people, priorities! ha and I will always be a ham.
Still same 'ol Bre that my daddy loved!

Remember, please be kind! 
If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all!

13 comments:

  1. Great post! This is why I'm glad I'm anonymous though, because I feel like I can blog about anything.

    And I can relate to you so much in this post. I'm very sorry about your dad. The exact same thing happened to me. As I was starting my freshman year of college, I found out my dad had cancer and he passed 6 months later in April of 2008. My methods of coping were very similar to you. Another way I coped (and still am), is that I stay very busy so I don't even think about it anymore. Not healthy as right now I'm probably still clinically depressed.

    However, it is nice to know that there's someone out there who is so similar.

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    1. Also, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here! I was definitely a big daddy's girl also.

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    2. Thanks so much Michelle! Your blog has been such a huge help with my finances! I keep turning to your blog when I feel out of control in the money area! I applaud you! Hope you are doing well and I know how hard it can be, I am also here for you anytime! I have many resources for the healing process!!

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    3. Aww thanks! I use my blog as a way for me to keep track, and for people to make sure I stay on track, so I'm glad I'm helping.

      I've always loved your blog also!

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  2. Bre how brave of you to put yourself out there like that...your story was touching and I'm glad you allowed God to come back into your heart again after your struggles. Congrats for getting back into college even though it's not easy, and I wish you the best. :)

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  3. Hey girl, I was going to send you an email but I couldn't find it...could you email me your address...my email is
    californiacutielnj@gmail.com

    thank you so much

    Linsley

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  4. I'm very proud of you for posting this. I find when something is really weighing me down, emotionally, writing is the best way to help. It sounds like you've matured greatly and have such a bright future ahead of you. You have a beautiful apartment and so much to be grateful for. Always remember that!! We will always owe money [cars, houses, etc.] but you're well on your way to success!! I'm sure your dad looks down and is very proud at the woman you've become.

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  5. This is such a great and inspiring post! You've gone through so much, and your story really touched me. I had some monetary issues freshmen year of college and I had to rein myself in on spending. Great job getting to where you are now!

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  6. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Bre. I don't know if I'm courageous enough to tell my story yet, but I can relate. I know your dad would be very proud of you!

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  7. I am so sorry to hear about your father. You seem so strong when you write about him now.

    Very brave post - it seems as thought many bloggers (that I follow, anyway) make it out to seem as though there are no struggles, no debt, no issues. Everything is perfect, they've never had credit card debt, or any debt at all.

    I did struggle with credit card debt, but it was mostly because of very toxic 'friends', and I use that term very loosely. You learned your lesson a lot quicker than I did, however! If it makes you feel better, I'm 26 and still have a sizable loan to pay off that includes school, CC's, and some car racing stuff.

    Thanks for the post :-)

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  8. Thank you for sharing this frank, brave, honest post. I am so sorry about your Dad - no one can judge anything else as who knows how any of us would cope in such a situation. It's wonderful that you go right back on track and found a great guy. Nursing school is a great vocation - you will love it! My best friend is a nurse and it is difficult some times but she loves it. It was great to get to know you better from this post! :)

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  9. Hey Bre, I just stumbled across your blog and love it already.
    Great post - that is so hard to share with people, but yes, it's definitely shaped you.
    Good luck with nursing school; I just graduated in December. You will love it!

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  10. What an inspiring story. It's crazy the things we go through until we really realize what's important in life. Thanks for sharing!

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Thanks for the comment! I love to hear what my readers think, each comment means so much to me! xoxo